nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
