I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
People with herpes should wear stickers.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
