question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
