The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
