I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
