I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
