I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
