Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Randomize
