when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
