where am i from again
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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