For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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