Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Just high enough for therapy.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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