C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I need moral support for this bender
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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