even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
