Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
