Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
