and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
