I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
