don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I think people are normalizing furries
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
