dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
P.S. I can't hear my feet
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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