I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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