Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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