just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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