Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
