We won't sleep together?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
