I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
