Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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