I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
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no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
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I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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