My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
