Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
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