I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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