Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
