Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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