Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
