I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
