I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
