He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
