So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
