I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
