ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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