I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
