So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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