So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
as a side note pls kill me
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
