STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
