She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Floor bacon is actually really good
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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