The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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