would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
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