I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
