Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
