The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
