He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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