Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
