my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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