How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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