just tell him i said nine months
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
