how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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