Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
