It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
