sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
