Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
