its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
