I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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