Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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