I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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