yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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