My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
