Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
