you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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