brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
