The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize