my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
