Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
