So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
You smell like a Billy Joel song
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
