ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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