my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Randomize
