I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
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